Independent &Dating: 5 Things I’ve Learned About Myself

There’s no real rulebook to dating. I believe in being yourself and building with someone who appreciates and reciprocates that. I can’t go searching for love anymore. I can’t try to control other people and their actions in the dating scene. But, I can control and analyze myself. In doing that, I’ve found that my independence has made a major change in how I deal with others and in how I feel about love. Here are a few of the changes that I’ve observed:

1.I need SPACE

Being an energy-sensitive introvert, it makes it hard for me to let people into my space. I’ve been living on my own now for about 2 years. The thought of someone potentially coming in here and changing systems that I have put in place, critiquing the way that I live and do things, throwing my routines out the window, commenting on my nakedness, and completely abusing my sanctuary- I’m getting anxiety just thinking of it!

I want to share a space with the RIGHT person, not just anybody.

That space will be a NEW space to the both of us. My space is extremely important to me. My home is where I seek peace and where I recharge. This makes me extra selective of who I date because they will be around my home and leaving their energy all over everything. Lol

2. The “Things” have changed

For some women, it’s the little “things” that matter. For some women, it’s the big “things” that matter. Hell, for some, it’s both! But as I evolve on my journey, my “things” have evolved also.

For instance, instead of bringing me flowers and gifts all of the time, I’ve learned that I really appreciate acts of service (one of my main love languages). I would greatly appreciate my mate doing some of the following examples:

On Sundays, helping me with last minute prep for the week, surprise me on a weekday to take my car to get washed and vacuumed out, bring me lunch, dedicate a day to get an outdoor or indoor project finished with me.

No, you aren’t my servant, but I’m looking for someone who can enhance my life as I enhance theirs. I run a business from home throughout the week so that lunch on a weekday thing would be LIT! It’s not a one-way street around here, so know that I am more than willing to do acts of service that tailor-fit my mate. Being an entrepreneur is no joke! There’s always something that can be getting done. Helping me with a few things, helps to free up my time so that we can spend more time together.

3. My love has changed

After hitting my personal rock bottom, I vowed that I will never allow myself to get so consumed in an individual that it throws me off track with my personal life.

I’m a goal-oriented individual, but in the past, I allowed my partners to have every bit of my time, money, and energy. This can’t happen with where I am in life right now. I can’t really afford to take to many more L’s (losses) if I can control it. Having to start over after every relationship  is too much. Instead, I will love my mate with all of me, while still tending to myself, my goals, and my separate social life. I know it’s possible because literally every ex of mine did it while I was tagging along without a life of my own. Lol! I lost focus for a long while in relationships. I’m so confident in this being able to change because I’m only opening my door to healthy connections. Healthy connections keep you focused and motivated. They don’t let you slack all the time for selfish gains. Instead, they know a little sacrifice now will have a huge pay off later on.

4. I have to let them lead

Being with toxic personalities makes you realize that you can’t depend on people for anything…like, ever! Lol. I was so used to doing everything on my own, thinking for them, and avoiding including them in things that were important to me. I quickly learned that this conditioning couldn’t be carried over into healthy connections. I had to learn to let go of some control so that they can lead because healthy connections give you a strong sense of security in your mate. Trust.

5. I have to protect what’s mine

I remember going on a date and the guy asked me for my address so he could pick me up and I started freaking out! So many thoughts flooded my mind.

Serial killer. Stalker. Propensity to become a stalker. Crazy ex who will come kill me because she has his a tracker on his car.

You name the crazy scenario, I had it. I think I will still hold on to this precaution because people are nuts. I run a business from my house and I lay my head there every night. I don’t want crappy energy or shady people knowing where I stay. I have to be careful with who I let pick me up to take me out. I’ll gladly meet him wherever we’re going so I can feel him out for a while before he knows where I stay. Call me paranoid. I’ll be that.


As women making moves, we have to know that it’s okay to soften to the right touch.

Take your time, and make your own rules.


Published by B.still

I'm Tiara (a.k.a B.Still). I'm a photographer and an overall creator. My writings can be found here as well as my photography! Join my journey to freedom and peace doing the things that I love!

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