This weekend, I learned that some people will do anything they can to hold onto the “victim” card. For them, it will always be “what you did to me!” Despite the innumerous attempts to squash the beef. Despite the knowledge of how to get out of the situation, they will decide to continue to bring up their hurt. So what do we do in this instance? We leave them clinging onto their V-Card with the deadliest of grip.
Ignore the jabs, but first-COMMUNICATE!
“I understand that you were hurt by me. I love you and did not mean to cause that hurt. I have apologized. We’ve discussed it many times. Now I am hurt when you insistently bring it up when I am trying to do better.”
Once that is stated, begin to ignore, because that statement alone still may not be enough.
No one deserves to have their mistakes constantly thrown in their face. A person actively attempting to correct their mistakes and learn from them, shouldn’t be obligated to hear those mistakes for the sole purpose of pity and attention for the person who was hurt.
I believe in forgiveness and appropriate action. You can forgive but still need to distance yourself in the name of protecting your peace. It’s challenging to hear that you hurt someone when you genuinely care about them. On the journey to balance and emotional health, we have to check ourselves. We must ask ourselves why we were treating this person that way. Really analyze our actions and thought processes to decide to do better. We also much atone for that wrong doing in a healthy manner. Once we have faced that truth and atoned for the hurt we’ve caused, we have to decide if the interaction with this person is healthy for us. We should also ask ourselves if we are truly healthy for that person. If the truth is that we aren’t healthy for one another, more hurt will ensue.
If we love this person, really love them, we have to distance ourselves. We distance ourselves for them and for us. We don’t want to be stuck in an interaction with someone we love in which we keep hurting them by just being who we are. Or perhaps we have some real character flaws to work on. But being so close to this person won’t work while we work on those flaws. It’s all about balance. We can love someone and wish them well, but be emotionally sober enough to know that we can’t offer them what they need or vice versa.
If we don’t make the wise decision to distance ourselves, due to our attachment to them, we will be lunged into a vicious cycle of hurt , which adds more stress and pain to our lives-which is NOT the goal! Make the healthiest decision for yourself. Maintain that peace and work on yourself. That is no one else’s responsibility but your own.