I’ll admit it, I was dipping my toes into the adulthood pool. Sure, I live on my own and run my own business. But I had no idea about the other factors of adulting. I went from dipping my toes in to check the temp, to being tossed in with all of my clothes on. This is no one’s fault but my own. I should have better planned and prepared. But, with this new vision on how stressful it can to be to be completely responsible for yourself, I am realizing just how responsible I am for everything!
With that realization, I feel it taking an emotional toll. I’m so hard on myself in every aspect of my life. I think that it’s beginning to get to be unhealthy. I have to be more compassionate with myself. I’ve been using these guided meditations that I’ve found to help with that. There is so much to do that I just end up overwhelmed. I walk away from it all for a break, then dread returning. Not very adulty of me, huh? I’m aware! Then I beat myself up about THAT. I’m trying to go through life being black, a woman, a business owner (with zero business background), and a f*cking adult!!! There are so many dark clouds constantly over my head that I feel like it’s been raining in my life for a while now. But rain is supposed to be like, therapeutic, right? I literally have no experience in anything that I am, bro. LMAO! How?! Wow…
I digress, this isn’t a pity-me piece. This is simply me trying to figure out why I’m so callous with myself. The guided meditation that I was telling you about, is helpful. The hypnotherapist suggests seeing yourself as your inner child, a child that is trying their very best to do & be their very best. Not going to lie, at this point, my inner child is crying for her mama. Lol!
But ya know? I know that I can handle anything. I know that! So, I’m going to push through, learn from my mistakes, and enforce better practices to be prepared in the future. My life isn’t falling apart. My life is coming together in a way that I never imagined (hence the outright horror that I feel). It will be okay. No more coasting. Idk wtf I’m doing but I’m figuring it out.